I’ve been thinking about my relationship with ambition lately. What exactly is the price of ambition. Having it, needing it, using it. I think I’ve hit my wall with ambition. I’ve always prided myself on being ambitious and leading with it and leaning into it. But now, I’m not so sure.

The Price of Ambition

I was ambitious long before I knew what the word meant. Sitting in the front row in class, always raising my hand to answer questions. I was the girl that took charge of the group projects while everyone else sat and looked at each other. I volunteered my time, I prided myself on making good grades. You name it. I’ve mentioned before that I am a reformed yes woman. I genuinely enjoy working with and helping people, and it’s hard for me to say no.

But What Is The Cost?

The upset of ambition is the rewards. I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a rush from the praise. I could rattle off a laundry list of my accomplishments. I’ve always been taught that being ambitious is a good thing, helpful is a good thing, that I should strive to want more etc. But at what cost?

When people are used to you saying yes, it’s hard to say no. Which for me has always lead to having a packed schedule and being fully committed. Go, go, go all the time. But I’ve realized it’s never really lead to fulfillment. I often found myself going through the motions, just trying to get to the end. I couldn’t really enjoy it. Maybe because I was never fully invested. Or maybe because my ambition had mostly led to me being overcommitted, stressed, and run down.

I’m no stranger to burnout. Hell, there have been entire books written about my generation and burnout. Lately I’ve been re-evaluating my relationship with ambition and what it means to me. I can’t say for certain my ambition has really gotten me anywhere. I’ve been doing some soul searching about being ambitious and if giving my all is worth it.

I’m Breaking up with Ambition ( For Now)

I’m not sure I want to be ambitious anymore. I haven’t seen the payoff. I’m not quite where I want to be in my day job. I know people with half of my work ethic and a quarter of my passion getting into spaces I’m still struggling to navigate. The powers that be don’t seem too impressed with me. Frankly, I’m tired of being overwhelmed and burnt out all the time.

So I’ve decided to only commit to the things I am truly passionate about leave everything else behind. I no longer have the desire to give my all. I will give enough, and I will give that freely and fully. Anything else is just the cherry on top.