You know that saying we plan, God laughs? The past 6+ months have never made this more apparent. We make all these plans and the universes comes in and laughs in our face. Life was going really well, and then it started beating my ass. Last October I went to my first concert in over a year. If you know me, you know how much I love music, and going to concerts was one of the things I missed most during the pandemic. I felt happy, and free, and alive. There’s nothing better than being in a room full of people who like the same artist, enjoying the music, and singing at the top of our lungs.
Things felt good, like they were getting back to normal. I was in a good place, personally and professionally. About a week later, my grandmother died. It absolutely destroyed me. Grief is a powerful emotion, and one I’m all too familiar with. I’ve had to bury alot of people I love over the years. My daddy, my grandaddy, friends, and mentors as well. Losing my granny was different. If you ever had the pleasure of meeting my grandmother, then you know she was a force. A Southern matriarch, the epitome of grace and strength. We had made plans for Thanksgiving the week before, then she was gone.
The next several weeks felt like a blur. I was going through the motions, consumed by my grief. Trying to make the best of it. It didn’t get any easier. Those weeks turned into months, and before I knew it what would have been her 81st birthday was here. I dreamed about her that night, and while she didn’t talk in that dream. She found away to let me know that she was okay. I don’t always believe in signs, but I felt that was her way of telling me she didn’t want me to be sad anymore. I took that to heart, and it helped shake me out of what felt like a never ending funk.
Alot has changed in the last few months. I accepted my dream job, I cut some toxic people out of my life. I’ve stopped questioning whether I deserve the good things that are happening and the contentment and lightness I feel. I’m taking more risks. I’m embracing the changes and accepting that it isn’t a fleeting moment. I knew I had to come back here. I missed this space, and I felt guilty for how long I had left it untouched. I won’t make any promises, but I am committed to showing up for you.
If you’ve stuck around this long I appreciate you, and I hope you join me in this season of life.
